Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
