My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Floor bacon is actually really good
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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