i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
