He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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