we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
