Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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