Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
