Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
