he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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