Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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