oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
