Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
