Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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