My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
