The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
