i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
