Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
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So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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