She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
