wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think my vagina is haunted
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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