Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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