I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize