I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
