so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
