I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
