and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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