i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He felt like a one man threesome
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
