Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
