I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
