First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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