I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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