It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
