hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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