How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
