then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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