I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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