She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
