I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
