sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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