apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
