I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We got so high we made milksteak
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
