Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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