My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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