It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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