We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
