Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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