I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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