If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
