Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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