my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
