thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
