when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
