I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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