Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
