i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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