Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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