I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
