Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My dick has a subreddit
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just puked most of my soul out..
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