so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
