I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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