Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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