i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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