How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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