Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
