chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
