i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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