I CAN MOONWALK!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
