I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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