No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
