It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
